Take My Pain
by JoeyBear1424
Summary: Seized by the gold sickness, Fili rapes Bilbo deep in the halls of Erebor and leaves him alone. When Bilbo is found, Thorin threatens to execute the person who did this and Kili will go to any lengths to protect his brother. Rated M for rape, elements of rape recovery and possible violence.
1. Prologue

Bilbo's lost when it happens; alone in an unexplored area of Erebor. He's not sure how he got here, can't quite remember the way out. Bilbo sighs, wanting to curse himself, angry for having wandered off and getting lost. It's Fili who finds him, standing alone and frustrated with his hands on his hips. Only, it's not Fili. That's what Bilbo keeps telling himself. As Fili grabs his upper arms with a bruising grip; pressing his lips to Bilbo's in a searing kiss, ignoring Bilbo's protests. Bilbo tells himself, it's not Fili.

As Fili throws him onto the ground, ripping his shirt open and scattering the buttons with an animalistic growl; Bilbo cries out. As he kisses Bilbo's neck, his beard scratching Bilbo's neck, he ignores Bilbo's small hands batting at his chest, begging him to get off. When Bilbo claws at his back, whispering pleas for Fili to stop this, stop it, come to his senses, Fili pauses, putting his lips against Bilbo's ear.

"I like it when you beg my pet." He purrs, biting down. As Bilbo sobs, his lower lip quivering, Fili doesn't notice; unlacing his trousers. And oh, Bilbo had faced trolls, giant spiders, Gollum and even a dragon. But nothing compared to the fear he felt lying naked beneath Fili. Warm, dry, calloused palms ran down his stomach towards his most private parts and Bilbo could do no more than close his eyes; hope and pray this was all a nightmare he was about to wake up from. But the feeling of Fili's warm palm wrapped around his length, a thick finger prodding him was all too painful—all too real that Bilbo knew it couldn't be a dream.

And when Fili is suddenly _in _him; thrusting forcefully and moaning into Bilbo's chest as he pumps Bilbo's length, he can't stop screaming. It's not a scream of pleasure. It's an animalistic scream of fear and pain; a scream of torture as Fili's thrusts grow faster, needier. Fili's forehead is dotted with sweat; his lips parted as he pants. He grips Bilbo's hips, forcing his legs further apart. Fili's moans echo throughout the hall, mingling with Bilbo's cries. When Fili pulls out, Bilbo almost sobs with relief thinking it's over. But then Fili thrusts deeper; harder. Bilbo covers his mouth his hand, sobbing into it as Fili's thrusts grow rougher; more frantic until he's gasping, buried deeply inside of Bilbo with a satisfied sigh. Bilbo's body is racked with sobs as Fili pulls out; stepping away from him to get dressed. He doesn't look at him, doesn't speak a word to him as he leaves.

* * *

Bilbo lies in wait until the footsteps have faded before he screams; his body shaking with rage, with sadness, with hurt. And when he feels the blood, sees the bruises, he just buries his head into his arms. And he lays sobs until his throat is raw and he's the one left gasping for breath as he reminds himself it's not Fili.

It's Bofur who finds him later; whistling merrily while calling out his name. Bilbo doesn't answer, his throat too raw. Instead, he lies there silent listening as the footsteps grow closer and closer. And how he wishes he could cry out that he's fine; throw on his clothes—do something, anything to keep the cheerful dwarf from seeing him like this. But he doesn't move. And when Bofur sees him, he is laying in the fetal position; bruised, naked and bleeding. And then Bofur is gone, running, screaming for someone, anyone to come help.


	2. Sorry

Bilbo can't remember the last time he's cried for his mother. Maybe when he was still just a fauntling: running home late after an adventure, scraping his knees in his rush. Or when one of his cousins would play too rough; make a comment about how strange he was. Bilbo would stare up at his mother with tear filled eyes as she stroked his hair, a gentle smile on her face. Yes, he was still just a fauntling. Now he's fifty, cradled in a dwarf's arm, bleeding once more. But this time it's not from scraped knees and he's not coming home late from an adventure. And he's never wanted Bag End more; never wanted his mother more to be there—to hold him close, just smile and promise this will be okay. But its Bofur's muscled arms, toned from working mines holding him. Not Belladonna Took's gentle cradle, untouched by the life of hard work. And Bofur's not smiling at him. No, the dwarf is shouting angrily, demanding to know who did this.

"What happened to our hobbit?" Dwalin roars as they round the corner; his fists clenched tightly. Bilbo whimpers, pressing his face into Bofur's chest. He's too exposed; too open; too naked. It's all indecent. More indecent than what Fili did—oh, Fili. The thought of the flaxen haired dwarf is like a punch to Bilbo's stomach; his mouth opening to let out a heart wrenching scream that sends the other dwarves all barreling into view. Thorin's whole body stiffens and for a moment, he appears to have turned to stone; his eyes thunderous. Kili stands with his mouth gaping open and closed like a fish as he struggles to speak. Dwalin clenches and unclenches his fists; growling threateningly as he reaches for his axes. Balin looks away; clapping a gloved hand over his mouth as he shakes his head. Bombur drops his ladle with an audible clang; his eyes glistening with tears. Bifur's dark eyes become stormy as he signs furiously, looking hard at Bofur. Dori looks torn between covering Ori's eyes and shielding his own. Nori's hands clench at his daggers, his chest heaving with angry breaths. Ori looks green as he backs away, uttering a weak apology to Bilbo as he turns and flees the room. Glóin thinks of his own lad, Gimli as he clutches his locket with shaking hands; his stomach roiling with nausea at the sight before him. Óin stares in silent shock, his ear horn lowered by his side.

"Who did this?" Thorin demands, his voice dangerously low. Bilbo whimpers, clutching tighter to Bofur's tattered jacket as he steps closer. Balin takes a shaky step forward, lowering his gloved hand.

"We must know lad," Balin says, his tone as shaky as his steps. "Tell us, do you remember who did this?" Bilbo remembers all too well—the memory, sharp, raw and crystal clear. He remembers the flaxen hair, shimmering like gold even in the darkness. The tawny skin rippling with muscles; strong enough to hold him down and keep him from fighting. He remembers the mustache braids hanging down. Oh, Bilbo remembers it all. But he shakes his head, opening his mouth. The words refuse to come out at first; stuck in his throat, thick and awkward as the dwarves all stare at him expectantly.

"I don't remember," Bilbo whispers, his voice raw and hoarse. "I—I can't remember." He whispers, his fingers aching from clutching so tightly to Bofur.

"I'm sorry lad," Óin says gently, moving to take Bilbo from Bofur. And the deaf dwarf truly does look sorry; his face drawn as he slowly, hesitantly reaches for Bilbo. "To make sure you aren't—I'm sorry lad." He says once more as he chokes on the words, withdrawing his arms as Bilbo curls tighter into Bofur's arms.

"Take him into a room, Bofur," Thorin orders; his dark eyes looking anywhere but Bilbo. "Óin, join them and please attend to any injuries he has. The rest of you, come with me." The others disappear from view as Bilbo's turned away, Bofur moving after Óin with a determined stride.

* * *

In all of his life, Bilbo would never forget the indignity and embarrassment he felt as Óin poked and prodded at his most private parts. He sobbed into Bofur's sleeve as the hatted dwarf rested his cheek atop Bilbo's curly head. He would never forget the way Óin kept whispering apologies, just to choke on the words and stop. No, he wouldn't—couldn't forget the shame that came with all of this. When Óin finishes, he backs away with his head bowed, eyes downcast.

"You'll be experiencing some soreness," Óin whispers. "There was some bleeding but nothing appears—torn." Torn, torn, oh the word makes Bilbo groan and curl in on himself with shame. Óin slips out of the room silent as a ghost, leaving Bilbo alone with Bofur. The hatted dwarf doesn't move from his spot at Bilbo's head; his face etched with worry.

"I—I'm sorry," Bilbo whispers in the heavy silence. "I'm sorry you had to find me." Bofur stiffens, his eyes growing dark. He deflates with a sigh; his usually jovial face downcast.

"You know," Bofur whispers. "I haven't seen you look so scared since we nearly lost you to the stone giants. When I came closer and I could see you, it felt like I was with the stone giants all over again," Bilbo waits for him to say the words: weak, pathetic. That he doesn't belong here, he's not a dwarf. "I couldn't breathe for a second—Bilbo. I wondered if you had died, you didn't move. And you didn't talk. And you just laid there." Bofur's voice cracks and Bilbo feels a tear plop onto his face.

"I'm sorry—" Bilbo whispers as Bofur clutches him carefully, sobbing loudly. "I'm sorry you had to be the one to find me." Bilbo whispers as Bofur's loud sobs fill the room; his tears splashing Bilbo's face.

* * *

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All rights go to their respectful owners.


	3. Memory

Thank you so much to fairyprincess91; Netiri Vi Britannia; redroses100; EquusGold; awake untill day brake; Mephistominion; eiulo; gboysgundam; fardreamer333 and DixonVixen88 for the favorites and follows!

eiulo: Thank you and I'm the same...Hurt and comfort stories are most definitely my guilty pleasure.

fardreamer333: I'm glad it's that good! Thank you so much :3

* * *

When Fili wakes up, he's atop his bed, being shaken by his brother. Fili bats his hand away, annoyed at being awoken. But one glance at Kili's face has him sitting up sharply, his heart thundering in his chest. Kili's usually mischievous, sparkling eyes are dim; his gaze cloudy and distant.

"What is it?" Fili demands; grabbing Kili's arms. "Kee, what's happened?" Kili swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he blinks furiously, turning away from Fili with a shaky breath. Fili had returned to his bedroom, he remembers, warm and feeling satisfied, almost smug as he collapsed onto the bed. But all these feelings are gone now as his brother struggles to speak; covering his mouth with his hand.

"Bombur was almost done getting dinner ready and nobody had seen Bilbo in a while," Kili says shakily. "Bofur went to go look for him and he—he—Fili he found Bilbo, naked and bleeding!" Kili's voice is a harsh whisper now as he shakes violently, his fists clenched. "Somebody raped him—somebody raped our Bilbo." Fili growls viciously, reaching for his swords as he stands up; gritting his teeth.

"Where is Bilbo?" Fili demands. "Take me to him, now," Fili growls as he stalks around his room and grabs his daggers. "Where's the bastard that committed this crime?" Kili stares down at his boots, his gaze drawn.

"Bilbo said he doesn't remember who did it," Kili says dejectedly. "He can't remember."

"Is anyone watching over him right now?" Fili asks as he marches towards the door, Kili hot on his heels.

"Bofur's sitting with him, hasn't left his side," Kili nods, leading him down the hallway. "He refuses to leave Bilbo's side." Fili doesn't speak after that; white hot rage flooding through his body. Fury washes over him in waves; his chest heaving with angry breaths. His stomps echo throughout the hallway as they near a door, his heavy boots announcing his arrival. Kili hesitates outside of the door, lifting a fist slowly.

* * *

"Bofur, can we come in?" Kili whispers; resting his hand against the door. There's a long beat of silence and Fili's half tempted to break the door when the quiet flurry of footsteps comes from inside the room. Bofur opens the door slowly, staring the princes through the small crack. Fili can't ever recall the miner looking so—haggard. His hazel eyes are bloodshot with dark bags beneath them; his mustache seems to droop as he clears his throat weakly. Bofur offers them a feeble smile; lowering his gaze.

"How is he?" Fili asks, trying to peer around Bofur into the room. Bofur sighs deeply; tears clear in his eyes as he shakes his head slowly.

"He's asleep now," Bofur whispers, stepping aside to allow the princes into the room. "I just—I can't image who would do this to our hobbit." Bofur and Kili stand back to whisper quietly, allowing Fili to step forward and examine Bilbo closer. His small, round face is tear streaked; teeth marks evident on his neck. Fili swallows hard as bile rises in his throat at the sight; his stomach twisting into knots. But it's what atop his head, covering his coppery brown curls that make Fili clamp a hand over his mouth. Bofur's hat covers Bilbo's small head; nearly falling down over his eyes as he slumbers.

"I just wanted him to stop crying," Bofur whispers, his voice raw as he comes up behind Fili. Bofur sniffs, wiping his nose on his sleeve as he stares at the sight of Bilbo wearing his hat. "Bilbo didn't believe me when I told him, I would stay with him; protect him. He said I would just leave him when I came to my senses that he was, was," Bofur's lips twist into a grimace of disgust as he shakes his head. "Damaged goods," Bofur sighs. "Bilbo—our Bilbo, damaged goods, never." Kili steps up beside the other two, shaking his head. The three of them stare silently, all absorbed in their own thoughts of revenge to notice when Bilbo wakes up.

Kili is the first to notice, his dark eyes lighting up as he takes a hesitant step forward. Bilbo blinks wearily at him, shrinking further into the blanket. Kili winces but doesn't step closer, his head bowed. Bofur offers him a gentle smile; holding out a gloved hand which Bilbo snatches instantly. Bofur moves forward slowly, his eyes locked on Bilbo's face. None of them are prepared for when Bofur steps forward and reveals Fili. Bilbo inhales sharply, his eyes widening.

"You lied to me," Bilbo whispers breathlessly, staring up at Bilbo. "You lied," Bilbo gasps, sobbing as he scrambles to climb away from Bofur. "You promised to protect me!" Bilbo wrenches his hand away from Bofur, gasping for breath as he becomes tangled in the covers. Kili steps forward, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Bilbo," Kili tries, offering him a soft smile. "It's okay, everything's okay." Bilbo lands with a hard thud on the stone floor. His eyes are wide as he backs into a corner; struggling to catch his breath.

"Bilbo, come on," Fili tries, moving towards the cornered hobbit slowly. "Tell me what's wrong." He kneels down, reaching slowly for Bilbo. Bilbo stares at him, gasping as he shakes his head. Fili's hand stills in the air as he Bilbo watches him; his chocolate brown eyes blown wide with fear. It's not just fear though but pure terror; uncertainty. Fili has to know, has to be sure. He grabs hold of Bilbo's arm, squeezing gently, reassuringly. His screams echo throughout the room; through the mountain; through Fili himself as Bilbo flails and wriggles to get away from him. Fili remembers everything: the fog in his mind as he caught sight of Bilbo wandering around lost; his chocolate eyes so full of trust and hope. Fili remembers the plump, soft body beneath his that struggled weakly, Bilbo's sobs as he thrust without abandon. And now the hobbit lays on the floor; his screams and sobs like a rusty dagger in his heart as the room bursts open; the company barging in.

"What happened?" Thorin thunders, looking at Bofur, Fili and Kili for an answer. Fili avoids his uncle's eyes as he looks away from Bilbo. One look at Bofur and Kili is like a punch in his stomach as he realizes by the looks on their faces, they know.


	4. Homesick

So this day was so shitty my dearest readers...Like you wouldn't believe. Yesterday we had a leak in our basement and thought we fixed it. Nope and the water was this rust color that smelled horrific. We got it now, hopefully. But I had a panic attack at school and was just so irritated and depressed. And I have this spider bite like thing on my stomach. But you guys keep me going. Thank you so much to Angel of Change; Clyll the Deathless and SherlockDW2013 for the follows and favorites!

EquusGold: Soon, soon you will see. I'm still working that chapter out.

fardreamer333: Brace your heart and grab a kitten! This chapters kinda lighter than the others though.

* * *

All Bilbo can hear is the angry roaring of the dwarves: accusing Bofur; asking what happened; asking Fili and Kili why he's screaming; who said what, did what? None of them notice when Bilbo crawls away across the stone floor towards the bathroom. Right now doesn't care if they never notice. But he has to get away from the yelling, get away from Fili. Fili, Bilbo's stomach lurches as he makes it into the bathroom. He rests his forehead on the stone floor; shakes wracking his body. Bilbo had been sleeping, dreaming of the Shire, of his mother, Belladonna Took and Gandalf's fireworks. He'd been so happy, so warm, he'd been okay. Then he had woken up. The first thing Bilbo was aware of was someone else in the room besides Bofur. Kili had been the one to step forward, his usually eager, bright eyes worried. When Bilbo had shrunk away from him; he immediately felt guilty at the hurt look in Kili's eyes. Then Bofur had stepped forward and revealed Fili. Rage, white hot had flooded Bilbo's body at the sight of the flaxen haired dwarf. Bofur had promised to protect him, watch over him. But then he allowed Fili into the room. The rage had melted into fear; clenching his stomach as he scrambled to get away from him. And when Fili grabbed him, all he could do was scream. Bilbo could see it all, feel it all over again. The thick finger prodding him, calloused palms running up and down his body as Fili held him down. Oh, Fili. Bilbo doesn't realize he's gagging, struggling to stand and reach the sink until a pair of thick arms lifts him. Bilbo hisses through clenched teeth, gripping the edges of the sink with a knuckle white grip.

"I've got you Master Baggins," Someone promises him; their voice gentle and warm. "The others left." They promise as Bilbo hunches over the sink with dry heaves. Bilbo glances over his shoulder, grimacing at the bitter taste left in his mouth. Dori stands behind him, not quite touching him; keeping his distance with his hands folded behind his back.

"Dori." Bilbo stares down at the floor, shame flooding his body. Dori bustles around the bathroom, never quite coming close enough to touch Bilbo as he works.

"Don't you dare apologize," Dori scolds though his tone isn't harsh. "Ori went to go and get some tea for you. Is there anything else you want?" Bilbo stares longingly at the bathtub, his eyes downcast. Dori starts filling the tub with warm water, his expression unreadable. There's no talk as Bilbo climbs into the bath, his chin brushing his chest. Dori sits at the edge of the tub, holding his face between his hands.

"Dori," Bilbo says softly, glancing at the silver haired dwarf's back. "Why do you look after your brother's?" Dori doesn't turn around but Bilbo can hear the smile in his voice as he speaks.

"I had to at first when our mother died," Dori says softly. "I found that I didn't mind it though. It helped to keep my mind off the bad things, you see. When Nori was in trouble, I could just fuss over Ori and I would get so busy taking care of him. I wouldn't think of Nori being in trouble until Ori was sleeping again."

"My mother was a Took, you see," Bilbo's voice is lighter than he truly feels. "A very adventurous woman, she was. When I was a fauntling I loved adventures. I would return home at nights covered in everything imaginable; tracked mud into the house more times than I can count." Bilbo gives a choked laugh as tears prick his eyes. "She never fussed at me though for it. She always just smile, scooped me up into her arms and asked me to tell her all about it." Dori reaches a hand out, allowing it to hover in the air; waiting for Bilbo's permission.

"I wonder what she would have said about our adventure." Dori's tone is quiet as Bilbo nods.

* * *

"I'm ready to get out." Bilbo whispers to Dori. The silver haired dwarf nods, stepping out of the room for a couple moments. Bilbo sits in the water with his knees drawn to his chest, waiting for Dori to return. When he does, he holds out a towel and one of Bilbo's nightshirts. When Bilbo raises an eyebrow, Dori flushes, shaking his head lightly.

"I asked Nori to get some things from your room," Dori mumbles apologetically. "I thought you would be staying in here tonight—if not, I can escort you to a different room." Dori tugs nervously on one of his braids as Bilbo stares blankly. A hand claps down on Dori's shoulder, steering him out of the bathroom.

"We'll be waiting for you Bilbo," Nori promises, closing the door behind him with a soft click. Bilbo stares blankly for a couple moments more before he sighs, standing and drying off with the rough, scratchy towel. He can't think, won't think. Bilbo doesn't think as he dries off with shaking hands. He doesn't as tears prick his eyes, his stomach twisting with knots. He doesn't even think when he opens up the door and finds the brothers Ri standing and waiting for him. The scent of tea fills the room; Dori fussing with a small cup. Nori looks stiff and uncomfortable, his arms crossed over his chest with an unreadable expression on his face. Ori stands silent, staring at his booted feet as he tugs on his mittens.

"Ah, Bilbo," Dori's the one to break the silence, a gentle smile on his face. "Have a cup of chamomile—soothes the nerves I find." Bilbo accepts it with a silent nod; gulping the scalding hot tea.

"Tomorrow, Bilbo," Ori says quietly, still tugging on his mittens. "I—I was going to look at the library, would you like to come with me?" Bilbo nearly weeps as Ori's voice cracks.

"I would love to explore the library with you, Ori." Bilbo would rather lie in bed until he's dead; be home in the Shire; he would rather be anywhere but here. But Ori looks so happy, so pleased at Bilbo's agreement that he can't help the genuine smile that spreads across his own face.

"Maybe we can find some books about elves for you," Ori says hopefully. "If you want to that is." There's no mirth, no teasing in Ori's voice. His tone, his eyes are both full of hope. Bilbo nods again, the smile still in place.

"I can't wait Ori." Bilbo promises, his heart twisting as Ori's face nearly splits apart with the smile. Dori clears his throat as he hands Bilbo over another cup of tea.

"We'll see you tomorrow then, Master Baggins," Dori promises as he ushers his brothers out the door. Bilbo inhales slowly, holding his breath as the door shuts, leaving him alone in the room. Bilbo lets out a shaky breath, running a hand through his curls as he turns and looks back at the bed. One of the brothers, probably Dori had straightened the sheets and blankets. But he doesn't want to sleep here.

It's not his room—not Bag End—not the Shire. There are no shelves full of books. His hearth is not roaring with a warm, toasty fire. There isn't a pantry, stocked to the brim with food. The only thing that comes close to making the room resemble Bag End is the heavy silence in the room as he climbs into the bed. Bilbo closes his eyes; pulling his knees up to his chest. And for the first time since he left the Shire, Bilbo cries himself to sleep; his sobs echoing throughout the room. They slowly turn into hiccups and then sniffles as he gives into a fitful sleep, completely unaware of the flaxen haired dwarf sitting outside his bedroom.


	5. Braids and Buttons

If there was ever a time Fili wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole, it was now. He stands n the throne room with everyone else, watching helplessly as his uncle paces back and forth. Everyone looks somber and gray faced as they refuse to make eye contact. They all seem to jump at the smallest sound. At the sound of heavy footsteps, his uncle stops pacing, turning sharply towards the door.

"Where is Bilbo?" Thorin asks Dori as he steps through the door, followed by Nori and Ori.

"He is in bed," Dori promises, wringing his hands nervously. "He's still in the room from earlier—didn't seem like a good idea to move him." Thorin nods, his fists clenching and unclenching.

"Thorin, we must make a choice." Balin reminds him softly, looking at Thorin.

"I know we must make a choice!" Thorin snaps, his eyes dark with rage. "I know, Balin…" He repeats softer now.

"Should someone stand guard outside his room?" Ori asks quietly, fiddling with the hem of his knitted cardigan. Thorin nods, his gaze thunderous as he begins pacing once more.

"Who would do such a thing to our hobbit?" Bombur asks, shaking his head sorrowfully. Fili has never seen everyone look so grim—so disheartened. And never has Fili felt more shame, more disgust towards himself. The hobbit was so tiny, so fragile and Fili—he'd, he'd. Fili shudders at the memory, shaking his head.

"I checked the lad," Óin says, breaking the silence. "There will be soreness for a couple days. Nothing appeared torn; though there was a little blood. I will continue to monitor his condition." Torn—Mahal, Fili nearly collapses at the word. He's all too aware of his brother and Bofur's eyes burning a hole into the side of his head as everyone talks.

"Bilbo will not just need monitoring medically," Balin says with a headshake. "Never has he needed us all more."

"There is only one thing we can do," Thorin declares somberly, his eyes dark as he gives a shuddering sigh. Fili doesn't hear the rest, turning and practically sprinting from the room. He doesn't stop; doesn't slow. Even as his brother calls his name; as Óin suggests he should check him to make sure he's not in shock; Fili refuses to stop. He doesn't stop until he's outside Bilbo's door, his chest heaving with pants. Fili's knees nearly buckle as he slides down the wall, a hand over his mouth. Through the door comes the sound of Bilbo's sobs: raw, jagged breaths that stab Fili like a rusty dagger. Fili slides down to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest as he listens to Bilbo's cries. The sobs slowly become quieter and quieter until Bilbo begins to hiccup. The hiccups soon melt into sniffles Fili strains to hear. He doesn't move even after the sniffles stop. He waits until the sound of snoring starts; soft, nearly too quiet to be heard before he stands. Fili reaches for the door with baited breath, his chest constricting with panic as he opens the door slowly.

* * *

In a bed, buried beneath countless blankets is Bilbo. Fili watches with his stomach twisting as Bilbo whimpers, tossing and turning. He's probably having a nightmare Fili thinks—and I'm the cause of the nightmare. Fili stares helplessly as Bilbo whimpers, sweat soaking his forehead. Bilbo sits up with a gasp, his hand clamping over his mouth. He doesn't notice Fili at first, swiping at his sweat soaked forehead.

"Bilbo," Fili whispers; his voice cracking. Bilbo freezes as he turns slowly towards Fili, his breaths shallow. When his eyes connect with Bilbo's the hobbit lets out a choked scream, clamping a hand over his mouth. "Bilbo, please." Bilbo lowers his hand shakily, his lower lip quivering.

"Why?" Bilbo whispers, shaking his head. "Why are you back? Did you come to do it, again?" Bilbo asks venomously. Fili shakes his head vigorously, ready to fall to his knees; beg forgiveness. Tell him it was the gold sickness, he wouldn't dream of hurting their burglar, their hobbit—their Bilbo. But the words stick in his throat as he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a dagger. Bilbo's eyes widen as he scrambles backwards, tangled in the blankets. Fili's silent as he reaches up, cutting off one of his braids. Fili holds it to Bilbo, his chest heaving with pants.

"Please, take it," Fili begs. Bilbo shakes his head, gripping the blankets tightly. "Take it, Bilbo, please." Bilbo sits unmoving, his eyes wide with fear. "What do you want? Do you want them all?" Fili's reaching for another braid, his dagger poised inches from it when the door opens; spilling light into the room. Bofur and Kili stand in the doorway, their gazes' dark. Bofur looks murderous as he stares at Fili, his eyes narrowed. Kili's face is drawn, his fists clenched.

"Fili," Bofur says through clenched teeth. "Come, Bilbo needs rest." Fili lowers the dagger slowly, his braid still clenched in his hand. When he doesn't move, Kili walks in and grabs hold of him; pulling him from the room. Fili moves after them slowly, his head downcast. In his hands he clenches a dagger and a braid. He doesn't let go of them; even as he pulled into a room by Bofur and Kili.

"What have you done?" Bofur hisses, his arms crossed over his chest. "What have you done to our hobbit?" Fili doesn't raise his head, his chest constricting as he tries to speak.

"I—I've done a terrible thing." Fili mumbles, his fists clenching. Bofur snorts, shaking his head.

"I can see that," Bofur spits. "Just what have you done to him?" Kili steps forward, his dark eyes anxious.

"Fee," Fili winces at the childhood nickname, looking down at his feet. "What did you do?" Kili whispers. Fili takes a shaky breath, looking up at the two dwarves before him.

"Bilbo was lost—I found him wandering around," Fili swallows hard, his eyes filling with tears. "He, he looked so happy to see me. My mind….It," He takes a long breath. "I felt like uncle when he was infected by the gold sickness. I grabbed hold of Bilbo and I kissed him."

"Did he say no?" Bofur demands. Fili looks at the miner who watches him with a stricken expression. When Fili doesn't answer, Bofur asks again, his voice growing desperate. "Did he say no, Fili?" Fili remembers all too well: Bilbo's small hands batting at his chest, begging Fili, pleading for him to stop.

"Yes, he did." Fili whispers, lowering his head. Kili lowers his head as Bofur inhales sharply, his eyes growing murderous.

"And what did you do?"

"I bit his ear and told him I liked it when he begs," Bofur's fist connects solidly with his jaw. "I—I ripped his shirt open and I…" He trails off, his throat too tight to speak.

"What did you _do_?" Bofur screeches, breathing heavily.

"I—I raped him." Fili whispers. Bofur stands frozen; his eyes darkening as he inhales sharply. Kili watches him silently, his eyes wide.

"You—Fili, how could you do this?" Kili asks, his voice choked with tears. Fili wants to tell them he was seized by the gold sickness; he adores their hobbit. He would never do this in his right mind. But he can't. Instead he turns and runs from the room; ducking down hallways and ignoring his brother's cries. He doesn't stop until he falls down, cursing as he crashes to the ground. He hisses in pain; pausing as he realizes something's under his hand. Fili clenches it gently, lifting it to look at it. In his hand rests a button. Fili screams, throwing the button down the hall. It echoes throughout the hallway as it bounces off the stones. Fili collapses into a heap, surrounded by the scattered buttons of Bilbo's shirt.

* * *

Thank you so much to jewel131415; Dark1luvs; LadyLucy1900; fardreamer333; haydee.27; cococamper; Sparks67; SapphireDragonsOnyx13; ashurikun; SilverLover92;Charlie Chaos and oreos and angels for the favorites and follows! My night was really bad guys. Like really, really bad. It's better now. But today's been extremely trying and just one thing after the other. I didn't plan to update this story tonight but I decided to take the bad things of my day and throw it into my writing. But I need a break from writing. So I won't update this weekend. It'll probably be some time next week.


	6. And Now

So I'm not all that happy with this one. But I wanted to do something for this story. Next chapter Gandalf or Dis will probably show up. Thank you so much to SineNominae; Slash97 and FirstLovexx for the follows and favorites. I just haven't had the heart to work on it after what happened last time the night I updated. Hopefully I can get back into it.

* * *

Bilbo was torn between throwing his hands up and asking if all this was really necessary and shaking his head at the stubbornness of dwarves. He's being escorted to the library and as promised, Dori was there waiting for him. Alongside him was Dwalin, his battle axes in hand. Dori looked as put together as ever and even offered Bilbo a polite smile. But Dwalin looked haggard; glowering at the walls as if they just insulted him.

"Good morning Master Baggins," Dori greets, bowing to him. "Shall we escort you to breakfast?" Bilbo honestly couldn't stand the thought of food; his stomach rolling at the scents of food that waft from the kitchens.

"No breakfast this morning, Dori," Bilbo says weakly. Dwalin and Dori share worried looks; their stares not lost on Bilbo. "I would rather just go straight to the library if that's all right." Only after Bilbo swore and promised and swore again to Dori that yes he would have some dry toast in a while and yes he would see Óin; did Dori agree. So now he was being escorted down the hall by the two dwarves; their stances stiff and intimidating as if preparing for an attack at any moment. Dori would have probably been more intimidating did he not look back at Bilbo every few seconds; fussing and worrying.

Ori stands outside the library, tugging on his knitted gloves as he waits for them. His expression is bright, eager as he leads Bilbo inside, babbling on about the library. Bilbo pauses in the doorway, taking a deep breath. The air smelled heavily of dragon still. But there was an underlying scent of ink; parchment; the scent of books. And for a moment, Bilbo is home in his study; the scent delicious scent of Bag End hanging heavy in the air.

"Bilbo," Ori's tentative, anxious voice pulls him from his dreamy state. "Is everything all right?"

"It reminds me of Bag End," Bilbo admits, looking around the library. "Not the smell of dragon of course. But the smell of books; knowing that other dwarves will be in here, enjoying the books and reading, it's a wonderful feeling." Bilbo admits, stepping further into the library. Ori nods, a dreamy gaze on his own face.

"You miss your home?" Ori asks, pulling a stack of scrolls from a shelf. "Bag End, you miss it?" Bilbo hums, carefully, wiping the layer of dust off.

"I've missed it since I set foot out my door," Bilbo admits. "Erebor is nothing like the Shire. All rock and darkness and gems," At Ori's slightly offended expression, Bilbo throws his hands up. "Not that it's a bad thing of course! But I've just been in the Shire my whole life."

"Rolling green hills, little rivers, flowers and sunlight," Ori muses, a small smile on his lips. "Yes I suppose I can see how it's different."

"I'll be returning to it soon enough once Gandalf returns," Bilbo says, causing Ori to still in his task. "I need to take care of Bag End, Ori. Hobbits don't belong in Erebor."

"We could build a garden here in Erebor," Ori says almost pleadingly. When Bilbo doesn't make any sound but a quiet hum; Ori gives him a careful, light nudge. "You could be the first hobbit."

"Perhaps I could," Bilbo muses, gesturing towards the books and scrolls stacked around them on the floor. "Now where shall we start?"

The two work together in companionable silence; talking occasionally to asking where something should go or whether or not to keep or toss something. Dori comes halfway throughout the day to drop off lunch, giving Bilbo a long, worried stare until he too eats. It's around a mouthful of sandwich that Ori asks.

"Did Thorin and Kili ever find out where Fili went last night?" Bilbo nearly chokes on his tea, clearing his throat desperately as Dori shakes his head.

"I'm afraid not," Dori says worriedly; his eyebrows furrowed. "Poor Kili is worried sick."

"What happened?" Bilbo asks, still clearing his throat. Dori sighs, shaking his head.

"Well we were talking last night and the poor lad became very upset. Ran from the room and none of us has seen him this morning. Never came down to breakfast and Kili said he never went back to their rooms either." Bilbo's hand wanders absentmindedly toward his vest buttons, his stomach clenching at Dori's words.

"My stomach is still bothering me quite a bit. I believe I should go and see Óin." Bilbo apologizes, excusing himself from the library. The hallway outside the library is empty and Bilbo's grateful as he takes a long breath; his heart in his throat as he turns and slips unnoticed down the hallway.

The hallway is just as cold as he remembers if not more. He forces himself to take deep breathes or tries. But it's all in vain as his chest tightens, his knees threatening to buckle with every step he takes. Scattered across the floor are buttons. He doesn't notice them though over the ragged sobbing of the hunched figure in the corner. Bilbo swallows hard, his throat thick.

"Fili," Bilbo whispers. The figure stops sobbing, its head snapping up. "Don't come near me, please. Just stay where you are." He pleads.

"Bilbo, I'm—I'm," Fili's voice is raw.

"I know you are," Bilbo snaps. "I know it was not you but the gold sickness that had taken over you. It was not you. I told myself that. I kept telling myself that it wasn't you. I told myself the same thing when your uncle tried to kill me." There's a sharp intake of breath and Bilbo closes his eyes, waiting for the ragged sob that will come.

"You will go back to the Shire then?" Fili's voice is hard. "That is what you want? To go home and pretend this never happened?"

"I truly wish it never did happen," Bilbo confesses. "I considered you a friend from the quest—a true friend. And when you nearly died, well I worried myself sick. Even when I was a banished hobbit and the enemy of the dwarves. And now,"

"And now what?" Fili whispers.

"You're a stranger."


	7. In the Night, Down the Mountain

Thank you so much to HopelesslyChallengedInRomance; rea12 and lovefanfic for the favorites and follows! They are greatly appreciated!

fardreamer333: I'm going to have to start putting warnings on each and every chapter for you about feels, aren't I? XD this chapter does have some feels so prepare tissues, get your ticket for the feels train and some comfort food.

lovefanficfan: Thank you and I did. I love your writing style; quite excellent. I love Ori though so when I was writing this I was all depressed and Ori's my boy. I got hit with the feels reading yours.

* * *

It's several days later when Bilbo is trying in vain to take a nap that he hears the horn quickly followed by the thundering of the dwarve's footsteps. He doesn't move from his spot on the bed and when he hears the pair of slowing footsteps outside his door, he closes his eyes and rolls on his side.

"Do you think Gandalf came?" Bofur's muffled voice comes through the door. The response voice is Ori's hushed tone.

"I don't know—I really hope he did. Mr. Baggins has no family here." Bilbo winces at the words though they're true. He bites the inside of his cheek, trying desperately to fight back the tears.

"I'm sure Gandalf will want to see him," Bofur's voice is as cheerful and optimistic as ever. "Go on ahead without me, Ori. Tell Bombur and the others I'll be down there in a minute." The sound of footsteps fades away from his door and there's a long moment of silence before the door creaks open tentatively. Bilbo relaxes his shoulders and tries his best to make his breathing even as Bofur tromps towards the bed.

"I know ye don't have any family here," Bofur whispers and there's a small rustling of clothes as he kneels down. "But I got a lot of nieces and nephews, ye know. Bombur's wife has never seen a hobbit. Neither have the kids. Sure they'd love to." His voice cracks at the end and Bilbo hears him desperately trying not to cry. "I care for ye, Bilbo Baggins. I truly do. I didn't want you to leave back in the cave and I don't want you to leave now." There's a small rustling sound and soft sound of something being set down then light footsteps as Bofur turns and exits. Bilbo waits until the footsteps have faded far down the hallway before he sits up and looks towards where Bofur kneeled. He inhales sharply, his throat constricting. There sitting on the nightstand was a carving of Bag End. Bilbo picks it up with baited breath; his finger running delicately over the fragile, intricate details.

"Yavanna have mercy," Bilbo whispers, setting the carving down with a sigh. "Have mercy." Outside right now, dwarves were arriving from the Blue Mountains. They were reuniting with their families. Glóin was probably down there with the wife and his son Gimli he so often bragged and boasted about. Bombur, Bofur and Bifur were all there greeting Bombur's wife and his children; all of them hugging and laughing, sharing jokes and stories. Thorin: with his sister once more; Fili and Kili's mother, the princess. All of them had family out there. Out there; all of them were dwarves. And here he was, staring at a carving of his home and sobbing over it, a hobbit of the Shire.

"Bilbo," He looks up with a start, hiccupping. Gandalf stands there; leaning against his staff and looking completely drained and worn out as he stares down at Bilbo. "My dear boy what has happened to you?" Bilbo scrambles off the bed, burying his face in Gandalf's scratchy gray robes as he sobs.

"It wasn't a part of the contract Gandalf," Bilbo gasps; clutching the wizard's robes. "It wasn't a part of the contract."

"What wasn't a part of the contract?" Gandalf asks confused, kneeling to look Bilbo in the eye. And so Bilbo pours his heart out; telling Gandalf all of his heartaches and what happened in the halls of Erebor. As he listens the wizard's face grows more and more thunderous; his eyes darkening. "Who did this?" He demands when Bilbo finishes his tale; straightening up. Bilbo goes silent; looking anywhere but at Gandalf.

"I don't remember," Bilbo whispers, his shoulders tight. "Gandalf, I cannot stay here."

"Is that what you wish?" Gandalf asks, his face somber as he stares at Bilbo.

"There is no sunlight here. There are no flowers or trees or gardens or anything. It's all stone and metals and gems." He leaves the unsaid part of all dwarves hang in the air as Gandalf stares at him.

"It is no place for a hobbit you mean?" Gandalf finally asks.

No longer can he stand to keep dancing around Fili and Kili; Thorin's odd gazes; Dori's mothering; Nori watching him for the shadows; Ori trying to cheer him up; Bofur's hovering; Bifur's anxiousness; Bombur's force feedings; Balin's constant questioning of: 'you all right, laddie?'; Dwalin guarding him; Glóin fussing with his locket and Óin poking and prodding at his most private areas. He can't stand this anymore.

He can't stand the coldness of the air; the bitter stench of metals. He misses the sun; the gardens; flowers and trees, fresh air. He so desperately misses Bag End. He involuntarily reaches towards the carving, his eyes still trained on Gandalf.

"I'm tired Gandalf," Bilbo whispers, clutching the carving to his chest. "I'm tired of being that weak, pathetic creature that needs seven meals a day to eat and has never once set foot in a forge; only recently wielded a sword. I'm tired of being the only hobbit among these dwarves; without a family. I mean, look at me! I'm a hobbit, a halfling!" Bilbo cries hoarsely, gesturing towards himself

"I am," Gandalf says gently. "You are Bilbo Baggins of the Shire; a most wonderful hobbit. And you are not half of your worth. Do not ever refer to yourself as a halfling ever again, Mister Baggins. You are also a Took."

"I'm not a Took though," Bilbo whispers, shaking his head. "A Took would have fought back and would have defended themselves."

"Bilbo," Gandalf silences him as he draws him into a hug; a shuddery sigh escaping his lips as he shakes his head. "This is not your fault." And Bilbo cries again, raw sobs escaping his lips. "I have to ask you something very important now, Bilbo," Gandalf whispers as he steps away, straightening to his full height. Bilbo sniffles, looking up at the wizard. "Do you wish to go back to the Shire?"

"Do the dwarves have to know?" Bilbo asks; his grip on the carving tightening. Gandalf hesitates, sighing as he shakes his head.

"Not if you don't wish for them to, no," Gandalf promises. "We could go tonight if you wish during the feast."

"Could we stop in Rivendell?" Bilbo whispers. "I would like to see Lord Elrond once more, please." Gandalf nods, a light smile on his lips as he gently pats Bilbo's head.

"Of course, he will be most happy to see you. As will Beorn I'm sure," Bilbo smiles fondly at the skin changers name as he turns to pack, carving still in hand. "Though I wish it was the same hobbit you were before." Gandalf whispers mournfully, sighing as he watches Bilbo pack his things hurriedly.

They depart from Erebor as the sun begins to set, Bilbo's eyes set forward as they move down the mountain. At each little noise, his hand flies to Sting; each time Gandalf reassures him that it's nothing. When Bilbo looks away from him, his hand still hovering over Sting; Gandalf sighs, shaking his head and silently mourning the loss of Bilbo Baggins.

* * *

Fili sits through the feast between his brother and mother. He did not have much of an appetite, his eyes scanning the table. When he meets Bofur's eyes, it's with a venomous stare and his stomach knots up as he swiftly looks up; gulping down his ale. Beside him, Dís turns to look at him; the beads in her beard gently clinking.

"Tell me, when do I get to meet this elusive hobbit of yours?" Fili nearly chokes on his ale as he sets his tankard down, clearing his throat.

"Bilbo was napping in his room earlier," Bofur offers. "I haven't seen him since then." His words are fresh in Fili's head and the ale turns to ash in his mouth Bofur gives him an accusational stare.

"Perhaps he feels left out," Ori muses. "He's not got any family here…." The dwarves at the table all take on guilty expressions as they nod sympathetically. Bofur scrapes his chair back, ale in hand as Bifur follows after him.

"Well only one thing for it," Bofur declares as the two walk out of the room. "We'll just go fetch him and make him feel welcome!" Bifur vigorously nods his agreement; signing furiously as they walk. Fili sinks back into his chair, resigning himself to nod along and smile at the talk going on around him. He pretends not to see the concerned stares from Kili and his mother as he forces down more food; a strained smile in place. The startled cry stops all laughter and jokes as Bofur's shouts echo throughout the hallways.

"He's gone!" Bofur shouts, running into the room. "Bilbo's gone!"

"Are you sure?" Fili cries; standing sharply enough to knock his chair backwards.

"All his stuff is just gone," Bofur cries. "All of it!" All of the company stands, charging after Bofur towards Bilbo's former room. As Bofur said, the room has been scrubbed clean of any signs their hobbit ever lived here. The only sign anyone was ever in here is a small dent in the bed where he laid earlier.

"Could he have run away?" Ori asks shakily, looking at the bed. Thorin's eyebrows furrow as he shakes his head.

"Surely not—he could not possibly make his way down the mountain himself," Thorin pauses, growling as he shakes his head. "Damn that wizard!"

"We don't know Gandalf came and took him. Or if he was even here." Balin tries to calm Thorin. "He could have been overwhelmed by all the commotion and ran off to hide. We shall look for him after dinner."

"After dinner it may be too late!" Dori cries.

"We do not want to cause any more panic than we already have." Balin whispers and the company signs, resigned as they all slink back to the dinner.

* * *

After dinner they watch everyone go and say goodbyes, dutifully. And when the room has cleared out Thorin turns to them, his eyes narrowed.

"All right let's search for Mister Baggins," Thorin barks, giving out commands. Fili nods dutifully at his own, following his brother down their assigned hallway. They don't make it very far before Kili turns sharply, blocking Fili from moving any further.

"What are you doing?" Kili hisses; glaring at Fili.

"What do you mean?" Fili asks. Kili sighs, shaking his head.

"Everyone can tell there's something wrong with you, Fili," Kili whispers, his molten brown eyes furious. "It won't be long before Thorin knows. Bofur knows and I know too—who's going to know next?"

"I drove our hobbit away," Fili sighs, looking down at his booted feet. "I raped him, Kili."

"Uncle swore that he'll shave the beard of whoever did this and execute them," Kili whispers. Fili winces as his brother's voice cracks; nearly cries at the pleading in his eyes as he waits for a response.

"Then let me be executed for my crimes." Fili whispers. Kili inhales sharply, shaking his head as he stares at him.

"No, I won't let you tell them," Kili whispers furiously. "I won't!"

"Kili," Fili says pleadingly as he steps towards his brother. Kili takes a step back, his breathing shallow. "I have to be punished for the crime."

"I'll say I did it." Kili declares; his chin thrust out. Fili inhales sharply, his hands thrusting outward as he grabs hold of his little brother's tunic.

"No, you won't," Fili spits, shaking his brother. "You did not find him. You did not hold him down. You did not bite his ear and tell him: I like it when you beg pet. You did not rape him!" Fili lets go of Kili, stepping away. "You will not be punished for the crime you did not commit." Kili lies still; his eyes shining with tears as he turns away from his brother slowly. Fili watches him go silently; teeth gritted as he turns and walks towards his own room.

"You didn't rape him, Kili," Fili promises as he thrusts things into a pack. Grabbing his twin blades he pauses, trying desperately to remember whether or not he saw the tip of a pointed gray hat in the crowd earlier. Growling in frustration, Fili drapes his cloak around his shoulders; sitting on the edge of his bed. As the sounds of the search party dwindle more and more; fading further and further away, Fili takes his leave. He escapes down the mountain in the dark of night; twin blades gripped in hand; a pocket full of braids and buttons and his face a mess of tears and snot.

* * *

So that happened...On another note I will not be able to update this weekend. I'll be without internet except on my phone. I'll be with it again on Sunday but I am unsure how much I'll want to type. Other than that, I like Boffins if you can't tell and who wants to hop aboard the feels train with me?


	8. Home

Thank you so much to L. ; silver7612; sirena2fire; SisterOfBattle; The Cajun Phoenix; Luronda; gardeniax; Tommy14; Celebrisliweth and EvieWingweaver13 for the follows and favorites! They are greatly appreciated! And sorry for the delay guys. My life has been horrificly busy and stressful lately.

MissDrawsALot: This story was very spur of the moment. I originally meant for it to be a one shot and then turned it into a story. So I'm not really sure where I'm going with it and it's still a work in progress. I'm planning it out as I go along. Thank you so much for the review and your constructive criticism :3

* * *

When Bilbo opens the green door of Bag End, he nearly sighs with relief. Until what he believes is a ghost flies out at him, shrieking and brandishing an umbrella. Stringy brown hair flies behind the ghost as it swings at Bilbo, screaming and demanding to know what he's doing here.

"I should be asking _you_ that, Lobelia Sackville Baggins," Bilbo screeches, rage blossoming hot in his chest. The umbrella stops swinging and there's a small squeak from the wielder of the umbrella as she lowers it. "What are you doing in my house?" Still clutching her umbrella; Lobelia huffs as she glares at Bilbo.

"Well you went off on that adventure of yours," Lobelia says the word adventure as though it's the dirtiest word she's ever heard of. "No word from you, no letters, no nothing. Running after that wizard and those dwarves of yours! We thought you dead and didn't want greedy family swooping in and taking it. When my Otho in the second in line to inherit after you." Lobelia sneers distastefully at Bilbo.

"Well as you can see, I am very much alive," Bilbo manages through clenched teeth. "So that makes Bag End rightfully mine." Lobelia could rival a toad with the way she puffs up at that moment. Behind her comes Otho's voice as he joins her.

"Lobelia, who is it dear?" Otho asks, his voice stopping abruptly as he catches sight of Bilbo. He clears his throat, his cheeks flushing red as he meets Bilbo's eye. "B—Bilbo, you're alive…"

"Yes, I'm aware," Bilbo growls. "Now, my dearest cousin, I would appreciate it did you make your way back to your own smial." His hand moves towards Sting's hilt and Otho's eyes widen as Lobelia opens her mouth yet again.

"O—O—of course," Otho promises and quickly steers his wife back inside. "We'll get it now." Lobelia opens her mouth to object just to be silenced by Otho. The two of them gather their things under Bilbo's watchful eyes. Bilbo notices that quite a few of his things are missing though he doesn't say it aloud, just sends Lobelia seething glares when she looks longingly at silver that isn't hers. And when Otho tries to tell Bilbo how happy he is that he's alive, Bilbo simply sends him a wicked smile that sends the hobbit scrambling after his wife.

After they leave, Bilbo's suddenly all too aware of how silent the smial is. He's grown so used to the dwarves boisterous laughter, raunchy jokes and stories. But the silence is more comforting than lonely and Bilbo takes a deep breath as he moves further into his home. He finds that he isn't tired and wanders into his study. His minds too busy to sleep, filled with memories of his travels home. It had not been the best trip, the most exciting or lovely of travels. Gandalf had stared at him, full of worry and concern. The Mirkwood elves had all stared down at him as though they knew what had happened and he squirmed uncomfortably under their scrutiny. Beorn had been excited to see him and Bilbo would be lying did he say that he nearly jumped out of his skin at the booming cry of: 'little bunny has returned'. After hearing of the events that transpired from Gandalf, the skin changer had been overprotective of the hobbit during their stay and seemed panicked if Bilbo was out of his sight. When they left, Bilbo allowed Beorn to hug him and tried desperately not to cry himself as the skin changer's massive body shook with sobs. To be in Rivendell again had been incredible. It was peaceful, day after day in the library with elves doting on him. They brought him treats, offered him healing and at dinner would play music with him. There had been no judgment or scrutinizing stares.

He felt a bit guilty about sneaking away from everyone without a goodbye but at the same time, he didn't feel a bit guilty about it. Bilbo sets the carving from Bofur in his study on the edge of his desk and grabs a book. Plopping down in his chair, he opens the well-worn book and begins to read. He falls asleep in this chair, hunched over; the only sign that he ever went on any sort of adventure, the dwarf carving on the corner of his desk.

* * *

Bilbo's awoken the next morning by the front door slamming against the wall and a loud panicked cry. He jerks awake and groans at his stiff neck. From the smial comes the sound of labored breathing and quick, desperate footsteps.

"Mister Bilbo," A voice cries, sounding somewhat hopeful. "Mister Bilbo, are you here?" Bilbo groans and rubs at his neck.

"Yes, Hamfast," Bilbo calls and the footsteps change direction. "I'm back in my study." Bilbo's garden appears in the doorway, his face pale all except for his cheeks which are flushed a bright red.

"Oh, Mister Bilbo," Hamfast breathes, relieved. "Thank goodness you're back." Bilbo smiles and stands up, stretching.

"It'll be an adjustment though I'm happy to be back," Bilbo says, pausing as he takes in his gardener's ashen color. "Is everything okay, Hamfast? You came back here like you saw a ghost." Hamfast's eyes widen and he nods vigorously, glancing back towards the doorway.

"I went to go and get something from the shed Mister Bilbo," Hamfast whispers. "And there was someone in there! I thought it might be an animal at first. But when I went to shoo it, it was a person!"

"Could it be a fauntling playing hide and seek?" Bilbo suggests though worry begins to creep up his gut. Hamfast shakes his head and glances back towards the doorway once more.

"I don't think so Mister Bilbo," Hamfast says. "It was far too big to be a fauntling. And it was wearing shoes."

"Well," Bilbo says and swallows down the fear, his hand moving towards Sting. "Let's go and investigate it together." The gardener, still looking ashy, nods and they trek together outside to the shed. Bilbo scans the darkness for the unknown person that Hamfast spoke of. He sees the usual tools his gardener uses but no person.

"Look there," Hamfast whispers, pointing towards a rake and shovel. "Behind there." Bilbo does and as promised, there's a pair of booted feet sticking out. Bilbo takes a shaky breath, his grip on Sting's hilt tightening as he glances back towards Hamfast.

"Did you get a good look at them?" Bilbo whispers as he takes hesitant steps forward. Hamfast shakes his head, following after Bilbo. The feet don't move as Bilbo nears and he steps carefully over the creaking boards. "I'm sorry but this really isn't a proper place for you to stay," Bilbo whispers as he nears the figure. "I can tell you where there's an inn but," Bilbo stops, his voice catching in his throat. There before him, lying asleep is the blonde prince, Fili. His braids are disheveled, his clothes rumpled and a troubled look on his face as he whimpers, curling further in on himself. "Fili." Bilbo whispers as the prince's eyes flutter open.

* * *

So next chapter we'll get a chance to see things from Fili's point of view and what happened along the way of travel. I hope you guys all enjoyed the chapter.


	9. In the End

Thank you so much to Ravenclaw Samurai; My sisters randomenss im weird; Alena13; anime adict44; Shirayuki Ishiyama and MagicalMercenary for the follows and favorites! They are appreciated!

Guest: Thank you so much! I hope you keep on enjoying it! :)

* * *

It takes the combined efforts of Bilbo and Hamfast to help Fili into Bag End. He keeps mumbling to the hobbits incoherently as they lead him towards the smial, his head downcast. They set him down in the dining room where Fili leans heavily against the table. Hamfast grabs Bilbo and tugs him from the room.

"Mister Bilbo just who is that?" Hamfast asks. His eyes are wide with fear as he glances back at Fili. "And what on earth was he doing in the shed?"

"He was one of the dwarves from my adventure," Bilbo sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Please go back to work Hamfast and just carry on with your duties. I'll take care of things in here." He promises. Hamfast gives him a doubtful look though he does leave the smial. Bilbo takes a long breath as he turns to face Fili.

"Fili are you okay?" He asks then winces. "That was a stupid question. Of course you're not okay. I can see you're not okay."

"I'm fine," Fili finally mutters and lifts his head. "I'm just tired…" He lies his head down on the table and Bilbo watches helplessly as he begins to snore.

"Just tired," Bilbo sighs and runs a hand through his curls. "Probably hungry too and probably could use a bath…" Bilbo moves into the kitchen and grabs a skillet along with some eggs and a thick slab of bacon. He focuses on the task at hand and it thankfully keeps him from thinking.

By the time he's plating up the eggs and bacon Fili's snores have stopped. And when Bilbo steps back into the dining room he's sitting up. He looks nervously at Bilbo as he sets a plate of food before him.

"Thank you," Fili mutters though he makes no moves to eat. Bilbo sits down across from him and raises an eyebrow.

"I didn't poison it," Bilbo promises it and Fili picks up his fork. "Though I will ask that you not sing about blunting knives."

"No, no singing," Fili agrees as he eats. "You left."

"So did you," Bilbo says evenly. "May I ask why exactly you were sleeping in my shed and scaring my gardener out of his skin?"

"I couldn't stay in that mountain anymore. Everywhere I looked there was a bad memory. Everywhere I looked there was something just like a poison…I don't want to be around gold anymore, I don't want to be around gems anymore. I don't want to be around any of it." Fili's eyes grow watery.

"There's no gold or gems here," Bilbo promises and stares down at his plate. "I must ask something Fili. When you came to my room that night how did you know when you looked at me?"

"Kili had woken me up and told me that someone had—you know. And I could see through the fog suddenly. I needed to hurt whoever had harmed you. And when I saw you wake up and try to get away from me. You kept telling Bofur that he lied and had promised to protect you….I knew." Fili winces and shakes his head.

"You weren't yourself," Bilbo mumbles. "That's what I kept telling myself. That you weren't yourself. And it wasn't you doing that."

"There's no gold here?" Fili asks and looks around nervously. "You promise me there's no gold? No gems or jewels?"

"I promise you," Bilbo lifts a hesitant hand and reaches towards Fili's shaking hands. He hovers over Fili's hands before pulling it back. "I promise." He repeats.

"Do I have to go back?" Fili finally asks.

"What will happen if you do?" Bilbo asks. "What do you fear will happen to you?"

"I fear that I'll succumb again or I'll live in fear of gold forever and live in this shell of myself forever…"

"There's an old forge. It's not been used for years if ever I think. Hobbits probably wouldn't mind getting some things made," Bilbo takes a shaky breath. "Mind you it might not be weapons."

"I don't have the skills of uncle." Fili warns though a hopeful spark is in his eyes.

"I'll take you there after you rest," Bilbo promises and stands up. "You can stay in one of the guest rooms—I'll be locking my door at night though." Fili doesn't say anything for a long time until finally he whispers a nearly inaudible 'I understand'. Bilbo clears his throat and gestures for Fili to follow after him. "Well come on then." Bilbo leads Fili to a guest room and steps aside as Fili flops down on the bed. Fili tugs the sheets up to his chin and closes his eyes as Bilbo steps out of the room.

"Goodnight Bilbo," Fili whispers as Bilbo closes the door quietly.

"Good morning Fili," Bilbo whispers. His only answer is the sounds of steady, even breathing as he pads down the hallway and outside. He joins Hamfast in the garden and pulls out his pipe. His gardener gives him a long look before he turns back to his work and Bilbo's happy that he doesn't pry as he smokes. He sits outside until Hamfast finishes his work and returns home. When he steps inside the smial it's silent save for the heavy snores escaping from a guest room.

Bilbo cooks enough dinner for two that night though Fili doesn't rise from his room. He eats his own dinner and puts up the leftovers. And when he finally goes to his own bedroom he locks the door.

* * *

Kili stares out the window with a grim expression as Bofur joins him at the window. The hatted dwarf slings an arm around his shoulder and squeezes his shoulder.

"Ye want to blame yourself," Bofur says calmly. "I know ye do. I do too."

"I don't know what you mean." Kili mutters and refuses to meet Bofur's eye.

"Each of us is thinking what if I'd been with Bilbo, what if I'd been with Fili or someone had come there. Maybe this wouldn't have happened or things would have been different. The fact of the matter is lad that it's happened."

"I didn't want it to though…" Kili sighs and Bofur hums, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

"Neither did I and neither did Bilbo neither did any of us," Bofur agrees. "But it did and there's nothing we can do to change that. All we can do is try to move forward together and heal."

"What if I'm not ready to heal yet?" Kili wriggles away from Bofur and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Then you don't have to," Bofur shrugs. "Nobody says ye have to yet. Ye can only heal when you're ready." Bofur says and turns to leave the room.

"I'm scared Bofur." Kili confesses. Bofur smiles gently and wraps the dark haired prince in a hug.

"Me too lad," Bofur sighs and both of them look towards the direction of the Shire. "Me too."

"Do you think everything will be okay?" Kili asks.

"Oh aye," Bofur claps a hand on his shoulder. "Everything will work out in the end and if it's not okay then it's not the end."

* * *

So I didn't mean for Bofur/Kili to happen there at the end. They just snuck up on me.


End file.
